I told Firefly
that I would steal this from her site cuz its so funny, and I have kept my word!
How You Know You Are Asian:
Note: My Comments Are Italicized
1. Your mother has short hair, curly perm or dyed
Short and dyed...and sadly, so is mine.
2. Your dad is some sort of engineer.
3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 14.
4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they’re still lecturing.
5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
6. You shop 99 ranch.
Its where I get my supply of oyster sauce, soy sauce and Pocky.
7. Everyone thinks you’re “Chinese” no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
8. You’ve had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends’ kids.
10. You’ve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
11. Your parents say, “Don’t forget your heritage.”
12. Your family drives mostly Japanese cars.
Japanese or German.
13. You’ve learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
YES! YES! YES!
14. You’ve had to eat parts of animals they don’t even put in hot dogs.
15. At least once, you’ve started a joke with “Confucius say….”
16. You know what bok choy is.
Its the Chinese brocoli...or something like that...
17. You’ve gotten little red envelopes around February.
Hellz iz-yea! Ly-see baby. Good for New Years and birthdays.
18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors.
It still does. I have a strict rule about this in my own household which even my Caucasian in-laws obey. If they forget, my daughter reminds them very loudly :)
19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you
20. You have no eyelashes.
No, I don't.
21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc…
Death to the barbarians! (just kidding)
22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
The number of grains you leave in your bowl is the number of pimple/pockmarks your future spouse will have.
23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night’s dinner.
24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
Actually, I'm pretty sure I descended from royalty.
26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, “In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more.”
27. Your parents expect you’ll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
28. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: “Is that your mother?” Well then, “Is it your sister?”
29. Your relatives’ houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
And old cooking oil.
30. Your parents say, “Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!”
I took it in the 7th grade cuz I'm hella smart. Ok I really didn't.
31. Everyone thinks you’re good at math.
But I am! See #30.
32. Your parents’ vocabulary is filled with “ai-yahs, and Wahs”
That's my grandma!
33. You like $1.75 movies.
34. You like $1.50 movies even more.
35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green.
36. Your parents insist you marry within your race.
Not true, I married a white bread.
37. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food.
Actually, I do.
38. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.
omg, when I was living in Los Angeles, all my “asian” friends went or were going to this school.
39. Your parents have never kissed you.
Only after I had kids ha ha ha.
40. Your parents have never kissed each other.
41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
42. “You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn’t even have shoes!!”
43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
44. You have to call just about all your parent’s friends “Auntie and Uncle.”
45. You have 12+ aunts and uncles.
46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
Possibly true when growing up, now we just order whatever the hell we want. Giving your parents their grandkids makes all the difference. :)
47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say “Eat anyway. It’s still good.”
48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses.
Except me, I have perfect vision.
49. You will most likely be taller than your parents.
50. Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both.
51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don’t.
52. When going to other people’s houses, you always have to bring a gift.
53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.
55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chan.)
56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture.
None of our dishes match either.
57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
58. You own a rice cooker or two.
I have two!
59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
And oyster sauce. And Worchester sauce.
60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
Yeah and my grandma can chop up a roast pig like no other...
61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can “grow into it” and wear it for years to come.
I do this to my own kids.
63. your parents believes in feng shui
64. your parents are very conservative and think that tank tops/halters/spaghetti straps shows too much skin.
65. every time your parents lecture you, they always make up excuses that relate to everything you’ve done in the past.
66. you like JIN
67. when you were little, your parents beat you with sticks and stuff.