Dim Sum Diaries

Why You Shouldn't Tell Your Mom You Are Dieting

Gah! 12 days into the 14 day protein-only regimen of the South Beach Diet, I give up. I have absolutely no energy most of the time and my body is strenuously rejecting my attempts to starve it of carbs.

"You know lions eat an all meat/protein diet," Hubby commented at dinner last night. "They hunt once, eat, then they snooze the rest of the time."

"Well, they also snooze because they are cats," I replied.

"All protein diet," Hubby stared at me meaningfully. "Sleep a lot."

So it was agreed that we would try to eat sensibly with some carbs and exercise. Bloody hell, it's a pain in the ass to try and lose weight or keep in shape when you have so many things competing for your attention.

When I went to visit Mum and Dad last weekend (by myself to wish Dad a happy Father's day), I made the mistake of mentioning the D WORD (dieting) to Mom. Let it be known that Mom is deliriously in full maternal mode, having discovered a few weeks ago that my sister is 3 MONTHS PREGNANT (Sis told her boss and co-workers already, this information is now considered FAIR GAME AND BROADCASTABLE OVER THE INTERNETS! Congrats, Sis!). Mom has knitted 4 baby blankets already, but I digress.

"Your still on that all protein diet??" She said with some horror. "I thought you were done!!!"

"No Mom, I'll be done this coming Thursday. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing, okay?"

"Hmmmmmm," she muttered, but she didn't say anything else.

So we went to this Chinese seafood restaurant called Bay Fong Tong. I tried to eat mostly meats and green vegetables, Mom gave me the gimlet eye when I refused a bowl of rice. "Its just not natural," I think I heard her mutter. In all fairness, I suppose not eating rice (carbs) would be considered unnatural for an Asian.

Then I declined to engage in a 2 mile post-dinner walk to the ice cream parlor with my Mom, Sis and Bro-in-Law. After trying to convince Mom that I really did work out earlier that day using a fitness DVD...

"You can't walk 2 miles IN PLACE in 30 minutes. Are you sure you really worked out?" Mom asked.

"YES YOU CAN AND YES I DID," I replied stridently. "It's 10:30 pm now, I'm going to bed now."

I should have known that this issue wasn't over...Mom was plotting something...little would I know...

At midnight, I was snoring peacefully and Mom knocks and WALKS INTO MY ROOM AND TURNS ON THE LIGHT. "I'm worried about this diet thing," she said. "You are going to damage your liver and kidneys and if you and your Hubby keep doing it what if you both die and then who is going to take care of the kids????"

"Huh? Mom!!! Its going to end Thursday!!! It's midnight!!"

"Well, I'm just worried about you. You need to eat carbs. Carbs are good."

"Okay, Mom. I'll eat carbs. On Thursday."

Seeing I wasn't going to budge, she said, "Okayyyyyyyyyy...I just worry, that's all. Good night now."

*Le sigh


We go to Macao Street Restaurant for breakfast, whose breakfast items don't include a lot of proteins. Its ALL CARBS. Mom, trying to be sneaky....

"Now see, Mir? I've ordered a nice fish jok (porridge) for you. The fillets are fresh, not frozen so it is VERY TASTY. Don't you want to have a bowl? It's very good for you?" she said, spooning a bowl of it for me and not really giving me a chance to refuse. She also had the power of this is Father's Day and thus you can't refuse mojo on her side, so I obediently ate it.

"And look at this cherng fun (fat, tasty, flat rice noodles fried) with XO sauce!! Your favorite!! It's so tasty! Why don't you just take a little bite?"

And so I succumbed.

Can someone tell me how my Mom can still pwn me when I'M 35 YEARS OLD?????????

Hubby just laughed when I told him this story. Hmph.