The Dim Sum Diaries: Eh?

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Eh?

Written by Mir :: :: ::

In the final months before being laid off from Initech, apathy has begun to set in. In the late afternoon, we've taken to throwing spitballs at each other. That would be balls of wadded up paper the size of basketballs, taped together.

So after I get home from work yesterday, Hubby tells me about a possible job opportunity.

"Too bad you don't have a degree in chemistry," he said. "Because you could be a Junior Chemist at this water treatment plant!"

I check it out just to see what it is...here is the job description:

ESSENTIAL JOB DUTIES:
The duties listed below are intended only as illustrations of the various types of work that may be performed.

· Collects wastewater and solids samples from various sampling points within the treatment plant.

· Collects surf zone samples on a weekly basis.

· Assists as necessary in the collection of raw wastewater samples at various locations in the Authority’s service area.

· Performs Biosolids Environmental Management System tasks as required.

· Performs various laboratory analyses in accordance with the appropriate edition of ”Standard Methods”. Analyses include but are not limited to (a) wastewater and receiving water analyses required for compliance with the Authority’s NPDES permit; (b) solids analyses required for process control; (c) reclaimed water and potable water analyses; and (d) industrial waste analyses for source control. Generally, these analyses include: pH, turbidity, biochemical oxygen demand, carbonaceous biochemical oxygen demand, total and volatile suspended solids, grease and oil, settleable solids, conductivity, temperature, chlorine residual, alkalinity, volatile acids, total and volatile solids, total and fecal coliform and enterococcus.

What the hell? It's a chemist who tests solid waste (aka shit).

"Oh yeah," Hubby continues on. "They calculated that it takes the average noob a week and a half before they fall into the shit tank. Then said noob has to go to the doctor for hepatitis shots and they stink for a week!"

Nice. I think I'll pass, thank you very much. :)

Eh?

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