This has been on my mind for awhile...and since I'm unconsciously avoiding writing the manu, I thought I'd expend some creative energy on this subject.

With my daughter now entering the first grade, I feel like I'm really becoming that typical Soccer Mom (sans mini-van). I joined the PTA. I'm volunteering to do some classroom duties. I enrolled her in piano lessons. These are the same things I remember doing when I was her age...oh so long ago...so it's kind of like its now coming full circle...

My mom came down and stayed with us for a week a couple of weeks ago. It seems like the older we get, the more we spend ruminating on the past.

"It's great that you're so involved with your daughter. You're lucky," she remarked.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you grew up in this country. Since I was the oldest, your grandmother kept telling me it was my duty to marry as soon as I turned 18. It was either I quickly pick someone or there would be an arranged marriage. I hated the fact that I didn't have the option of choosing to go to college before I got married. But that's what I did---I got married."

I didn't know what to say.

She started to get a little emotional and wiped at her eyes. "Your grandmother practically dictated everything I did until I got married. That's why when I had you and your sister, I swore that I would never do that to you."

"Yeah, Mom."

"When I enrolled you in piano lessons, you fought like hell because you hated it. I think it's because you didn't like people telling you what to do. So I let you drop it and I kind of kept my distance in a way after that." She continued on to say that she knew that if she kept being closely involved with our activities...she would keep pushing at us...just like her mother did...and she didn't want to repeat the cycle...so I can remember growing up that she was a distant figure in some ways. We never wanted for physical things...but there was always a distance between us.

And now I find myself at the same position that she was at. I am the type to get involved. I sit at my daughter's side when she practices the piano because she hasn't quite gotten the hang of practicing efficiently by herself. I give her pointers when she needs it and can be quite serious during piano practice. I want to be involved in my daughter's life in every way...She's not the stubborn cuss that I was/am. So I guess that's a good thing. I wonder sometimes if generations---grandmother to mothers to daughters...can improve...if they can realize that the way habits of raising children can change...and find a resolution from the problems of before. In my case, of my grandmother's being too involved to my mother's hands-off policy. Its an interesting thing when you are consciously aware of the history and how it should color your approach to shaping the future.

It is indeed a struggle...and one that is not easily overcome.