Dim Sum Diaries
I'm finishing this story like two weeks later but what the hell...(click here for Part 1)

The party was in full swing when we got there. I had to hide the gag gifts wrapped in naked male bum wrapping paper so my daughter wouldn't ask, "Mommy, what's that butt paper for?" The gifts were put into a big basket. Everyone drew a number to see what order the gifts would be picked in. The person after them could either steal their gift or pick one from the basket. My Aunt M was one of the first ones to choose a gift.

"Which one should I get?" she wondered.

"Ooh, Aunt M, get this one," pointing to my contribution. She stared suspiciously at the wrapping paper. I smiled guilelessly. "This one is from my mom."

"Okay," she said. If it was from my mom, it must be okay then, despite the asses.

As soon as she unwrapped it, everyone started to laugh their ass off. "What is this!" she cried.

"An elephant," I said. "F (her boyfriend) can wear it on his..."

Aunt M started to beat me with the box before I could finish my sentence.

"You tricked me!" she said indignantly. "I'm never going to believe you again!"

"But it will keep F warm when he is cold!" Aunt G laughed.

Admist much hilarity, the elephant was passed around and inspected. One of my cousins showed it to her dad, who was totally old school. He stared at it but refused to acknowledge the fact that so much lewdness was being paraded in front of him. He just smiled and stared straight ahead. I had a much more difficult time explaining the elephant to my grandmother.

"Ah-Wun (that's what she calls me), what is that?" she asked me in Chinese.

"Ah...boys wear it..." I said haltingly in Cantonese. I didn't know how to say "penis" in Chinese. "MOM!" I called out to my mom to run interference for me. When my mom explained what it was to my grandmother, my grandmother shook her head. I could imagine what she was thinking, "You kids that grow up in America with your hamburgers and elephant underwear."

I managed to palm off the two boxes of edible condoms to my cousins.

"In case you get hungry," I told them. They just rolled their eyes.

I managed to snag a nice tea set, but it was stolen from me as punishment for bringing such naughty gifts. We devoured the roast pork and various food items that everybody had brought. In a year that had been difficult for the entire family, parties such as this (complete with edible condoms and elephant underwear) were the good memories we would treasure.