Dim Sum Diaries
I think I may have possibly OD'd on watching The West Wing marathon on Bravo. I've laughed, I've cried. And Lo-Gung is sitting right next to me!

Best joke (in my opinion) from the episodes I've seen:

Question: Why do the French only eat one egg at a time?

Answer: Because one egg is an oeuf!

Only 6 more hours to go.
And now Mir adds even more useless functionality to DSD. Its under the Miscellaneous section, its the GuestMap. Please fill it out and leave Mir a message. Mir is very interested in finding out who reads her blog and where the seven readers of DSD are from.

Why is Mir referring to herself in the third person? Maybe its cuz Mir has been at work for 12 hours and Mir's brain very tired and wants to go home and thinks that referring to Mir in the third person might be somewhat humorous.

That is all.
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen," a voice crooned over the office intercom. The voice belonged to our temp receptionist, whose thick, curly hair and deep-I-sing-in-a-piano bar-voice reminded me of Frankie Avalon. "We are having a Thanksgiving potluck tomorrow, so be sure to sign up! If you do, you may win a free vacation day! That is all."

I decided to sign up (another vacation day wouldn't hurt) and bring stuffing. Not too hard to cook yet it is an integral part of the traditional Thanksgiving feast, I reasoned. However, as the day wore on, I began to panic as the logistics of bringing stuffing to work began to sink in. I couldn't cook it the night before. It would be cold and a giant mass of globby croutons! Stuffing should be warm and fresh from the oven! That meant I would have to get up at 4 am to make said warm and fresh from the oven stuffing.

That couldn't be too bad, right? I tried to think of the positive aspects of getting up at 4 am to make warm and fresh from the oven stuffing. Here is the list I came up with.

1. Team effort for the office.
2. Chance to win a free vacation day with contribution of stuffing.
3. I could enjoy a quiet cup of coffee while enjoying the glory of the morning light...the birds chirping...flowers blooming...like those Folgers coffee commercials (the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup...). Oh wait, its still pitch black at 4 am. Never mind.
4. Damn, I can't think of anymore.

The fateful decision made, I went to bed earlier then normal in order to get enough rest for the 4:00 am cookfest.

Wednesday, November 25, 2003

4:00 am: A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend...

I wake up to Nicole Kidman warbling about using jewelery as equity. Hit the snooze button. Must get up...and chop onions and celery...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

4:30 am: A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, or help you feed your helpless cat...

I hit the snooze button again.

5:00 am: Men grow cold as girls grow old...and we all lose our charms in the end...

If I get out of my warm snuggly bed now, I'll definitely be cold because I'm old. I hit the snooze button again.

5:30 am: But square-cut or pear shaped, these rocks won't lose their shape, diamonds are a girl's best friend!

Its too late to cook now. I'll have to buy something from the store. With some reluctance, I get out of bed and begin my morning ablutions. Damn you, stuffing!!! :p

Update: I went to the market and bought 3 lbs of green bean casserole. Thank heaven for supermarket delis.

Update Update: Green been casserole was a hit. But perhaps I should have brought this instead. (link via Ernie)
There's a special place in hell for the fucking assholes responsible for this.

I wish I could be more eloquent about this. I'm afraid if I talk too much about it, I'll sound somewhat pompous because I am an American. Also because I am insulated from the day-to-day hell that people actually living in countries such as Iraq or Rwanda face. I'll listen/read the news..."X number of people died today in country Y...militants in Iraq killed 2 more soldiers and Iraqi civilians..."

My heart will twist a little but then I move about my daily life. I'd become desensitized to the daily reports of all these deaths. But today I hear about two soldiers who have their throats brutally slit while waiting at a traffic stop. Suddenly my emotions rear up. Its anger and sadness I feel because these people are my peers, people my age. I'm not reading about these deaths in a history book of some war that took place years ago. This is happening here and now. People I may have known, a friend or a family member. Maybe its someone I could have met and become friends with. Its even more frustrating because I know there is no immediate way I can channel this anger and grief into a plan or some action that can resolve the situation which everyone in Iraq finds themselves in.

I could go on for a bit, blasting Bush and his policies and the events leading up to the current situation, but I don't feel like it.

All I can ask myself is, "When? When will it all stop?"

And I don't have a ready answer.

I'm looking forward to this coming out Feb. 2004.

From the cover of "The Dim Sum Of All Things", by Kim Wong Keltner:

Have you ever wondered:

Why Asians love "Hello Kitty"?

What the tattooed Chinese characters really say?

How to achieve feng shui for optimum make-out sessions?

Where Asian cuties meet the white guys who love them?

Then you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll realize this book is better than a Broadway production of Cats when you read scenes that include:

twenty-something Lindsey Owyang mastering the intricacies of office voicemail and fax dialing

an authentic Chinese banquet where Number One Son shows off his language skills by speaking "Chinglish"

dating disasters with grandsons of Grandma's mahjong partners

the discovery that the real China looks nothing like the pavilion at Disney World


And all the while Lindsey is falling in lust with the "white devil" in her politically correct office. But will Grandma's stinky Chinese ointments send him running? Or will Lindsey realize that the path to true love lies somewhere between the dim sum and the pepperoni pizza?

Maybe at some point in time I can get my act together to write something similar.


The New Seal of The State of California

The Dim Sum Diaries is proud to do its part in promoting Asian pride (via Ernie) by presenting Asian Pride Porn. Its pretty damn funny.

Despite the title its not graphic at all. I swear!! Really really.

Type in a phrase and IT will magically sing it for you!

(link via Ernie)
If you have a blog, it is a known fact that you will invariably hit the wall when it comes to writing interesting entries. Today I ran out of ideas. My past few entries seem like total crap. Mostly they link to other people's blogs. People who are way wittier then me and actually have something interesting to say. Sometimes I will be inspired to write some good stuff (see the Favorites section). But today, nothing brilliant and deep comes to mind.

In general, I blog about my day to day to life. Maybe today's entry will be one of the following:

Idea #1:

This weekend I had my haircut cut boyishly short. Its stylish, yet very sleek. However, Lo-Gung, who is part of the "I Prefer My Woman With Long Hair" Men's Club, started referring to me as "Max", as a reference to my short haircut. He made a smartass comment and then I came back with a witty retort. It was quite amusing. In other news, I listened to more soppy love songs.

Idea #2:

Or maybe I could make some witty comments on some political or social situation. I could be like Eddie Izzard! Except I'm not a guy. And I'm not a transvestite (though with my latest haircut some would say I'm on my way). And I think he may be somewhat prettier then me as well *SOB*. And I may be not as witty either. Sometimes I'll hear some joke or spiel on The Daily Show or on NPR. Then I'll be like, Wow! That's so funny! I should blog about that!

Mir: Hey, did you guys hear (via Marketplace) about The Nightmare On Wall Street? You know that story about Freddie Mac slashing Fannie Mae? Yeah? Yeah? Its about the scandal concerning the two companies you see...

Blog Audience: ...

Mir: Doh...

Idea #3:

My company sponsored a Diversity Potluck last week. However, everyone (including me) got a little tipsy/drunk on the Boeuf Bourguignon that one guy brings because he puts 100 proof vodka in it to "enhance" the flavor, but the alcohol never evaporated.

I tell him that it should be renamed Irish Stew instead of the French name. Isn't that funny????

Idea #4:

Or I could be totally obnoxious and find some guy's blog whose political views are the opposite of mine. I would email him and tell him "You suck!" then blog about it. Then when the guy emails me back, I'll post his reply on my blog and also include my supposed brilliant rejoinder. Then when the guy gets all pissed off, say "Geez, where is that guy's sense of humor?"


Well what do you know, I filled up enough space for an entire blog entry. How snazzy is that? :p
As an update to my various relatives discovering I blog (about them no less!), here's a humorous article you should check out.

I'm feeling pretty soppy today. Whilst at work, I'm listening to Yahoo! LaunchCast, which plays various songs I like. First, while listening to Christopher Cross's Sailing (late '70s/early '80s soft rock), I'm sniffling.

What a romantic song, I tell myself.

Next comes Queen's Another One Bites The Dust, and I'm all rockin' all like the cool chick I am. Yeah. Mo schnizzle my nizzle and all that jazz. Yeah.

I also think I mentioned before that when I am concentrating on something, such as writing this blog entry, I totally tune everyone/everything else out. Thus I scare VERY EASILY, much to the delight of my co-workers (and Lo-Gung when we were dating). So I'm typing this blog entry, and an evil co-worker walks up to my cube.

"BOO!" she says. I jump out of my chair and yelp, "Oh Sh*t!"

Another busybody co-worker walks up to my cube. "Did you just sneeze? I didn't know you added Oh Sh*t as part of your sneezing repetoire???"

Aforementioned evil co-worker has to put in her two cents. "No, I just scared her. All I have to do is walk into her cube and stand there. Its that easy!"

Oh yeah??? Well you're gonna get it now Aforementioned Evil Co-Worker and Busybody Co-Worker! I'm gonna blog about you! Then you'll really get it!!

OMG, Chicago's You're My Inspiration just came on...time to sniffle again...


Blogger has answers on how to deal if you are single and live at home and your Mom finds out about your scandalous blog! No Lou, I'm not talking about you (really).

I'll Never Look At A Man In The Kitchen The Same Way Again...

Are you sick and tired of slaving away in the kitchen? You have two options. Either you can browbeat persuade your significant other to start making himself (or herself) useful in the kitchen, or you can feast your eyes on these hunks!

As it is through the Mrs. Giggles website and the Hunks are password protected, you can get the password here.
This is Berklee's contribution to the Mir & Lo-Gung Anniversary Day Extravaganza...

I thought about breaking into a show tune, or better yet, making Lo-Gung sing a duet with me (Your The One That I Want (Woo Hoo Hoo!) with Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta from "Grease" comes to mind). But I thought this would be cooler.

Its been a great eight years! :D
Wow, I'm finally back. Its really nice to be in my own space again. Many things happened during this fateful vacation, some good, some not. However, all in all it was nice to spend some quality time with Lo-Gung (sans kids). I'd really like to thank Kyren for being a great guest blogger whilst I was gone. :)

We went to San Francisco, and stayed with my Aunt G. On the flight to SF I wore my Blogger hoodie (sent to me for free by Google when Blogger Pro became free for everyone). I thought there might be at least one other person in all of Northern California that would wear one too, since thats where those companies are ALL BASED. And did I see a single fellow bloggist sharin' da love by wearing said hoodie? Nada. Zip. Zilch. I did get some "omigod you are a nerd" looks, possibly, but I think that's it.

I still can't get over how addicted I am to the computer/blogging/internet access. Since the relatives didn't have reliable internet access, I was reduced to driving to the local Mac store to check my email.

My Aunt and Uncle are in their late '40's and are still rather hippy-ish in attitude and outlook. "So," Uncle M said casually as he spotted my Blogger hoodie. "What is that 'Blogger' sweatshirt all about?"

"I'm the Uni-Blogger," I quipped, trying to be funny. He didn't laugh. "You know, I have a blog. An online journal. A website?"

"You mean you write all your personal thoughts online? For everyone to read?" he said, horrified, as if I ran a porn site or something. "You don't use any real information, do you?"

"Obviously not," I said a little sarcastically. "In fact, I've written a few entries about you and Aunt G."

Now it was Aunt G's turn to be horrified. "What? Did you use our real names?"

I sighed. "No, Aunt G. I just used your initials. You know, like Aunt G and Uncle M. To protect your identities."

"So any conversation we have during this time may be written in your blog."

"Yup!" I grinned.

"Well do you think you could use better code names then Aunt G and Uncle M? That's so BORING," Aunt G said.

"I suppose I could rename Uncle M as Deep Throat," I suggested.

"I still can't believe you write an online journal," was all Deep Throat would say.
Here's a nice exercise to try yourself: draw a picture of everything. Yep, every-damned-thing you can thing of. Don't forget transformers, the Venus of Milo and the Taj Mahal. Sounds impossible huh?

Yet, it can be done... lo and behold...

The Picture Of Everything by Howard Hallis

Yay, I have internet access during my vacation! I'll tell you more about how it went when I officially get back. In the meantime, enjoy (via Ernie) the worst album covers ever!

Personally I think Devastatin' Dave, The Turntable Slave is pretty hot.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled guest blogger, the fabulous Kyren!

Read in a Britney Spears interview:

When Spears talks about the South Asian musical influences on “In the Zone,” she says she’s “been into a lot of Indian spiritual religions.” When asked if one of them is Hinduism, she says, “What’s that? Is it like kabbalah?”

I mean, WTF?
Ever since reading Banana Yoshimoto's novels (and playing a fair dose of video games ;)) I've wanted to visit Japan. This is a start: beautiful night views that make me want to go there even more!

(link via MetaFilter)
Okay, so I was planning to write a really cool blog entry, because who can afford to slack when being a guest blogger, right?

But to be honest. Nickelodeon is killing me. There's a Sabrina-marathon on, and I can't tear myself away from the tv. I don't even like the show that much, and these are all old episodes, but all the other stuff I have to do is so boring that I'm just glued to the screen.

I know. I'm a sucker for sit-coms.
For a minute there I didn't think I was going to be able to be a guest blogger at all! But now I'm in, and while Mir is enjoying a vacation, you'll all be subjected to my rants for a week! Not that I rant that much. I don't. Really.

Mir is going on vacation for a week. Kyren will be guest blogger for that duration. Check out her blog, she is really cool.

That is all.